Helpful Household Hints from "The Hard Way":

1.  If one does not want to clean caked-on oatmeal off a porcelain bowl, simply let full contents of said bowl slip through one’s fingers causing porcelain to shatter with oatmeal; scoop shards and oatmeal into plastic bag; repeat as needed.

2.  If one runs out of face powder in humid climate, one can try any number of substitutes—corn starch, for instance.  Baking soda, however, is not advisable.  While useful for deodorizing, teeth brushing, baking, cleaning, and acid indigestion, baking soda, when used as facial powder, has an exfoliating effect akin to sandpaper. 

3.  Strong “dust tea” does not simply require brewing, as indicated on nondescript instructions.  Contrary to popular folk wisdom, tea dust does not dissolve in hot water.  To drink contents in absence of sieve, simply purse one’s lips and strain said contents through teeth.  Resulting grit is useful for teeth brushing.

4.  When using taper candles to see by during power outage, it is useful to craft stand for candle resulting in stable base.  One can fashion origami-like stand in the dark using stiff cardstock by folding notecard-sized stationary up at each corner resulting in “legs” for candle base, then shoving candle through middle and lighting.  It is best, however, to approximate middle of holder by feel to keep candle upright so that candle, when lit, does not tip hot wax onto graded papers.

5.  When one has an emergency light for power outages it is useful to charge it.

6.  When one does not want to attempt killing flying cockroach during power outage, simply pray, wait for cockroach to settle, and set overturned tea cup on top.  Wait for cleaning man to dispose of.  (Hint—it is useful to learn the word “bug” in Hindi before allowing man to lift cup.)

7.  If one makes oft-repeated mistake of opening an unscreened window at night with fluorescent room light on, it is useful to remember all flying insects are attracted to light.  In event large wasp flies through open window and settles in one’s wardrobe, simply close wardrobe doors, trapping wasp inside.  Write sticky note with words “Mind the wasp” and affix on wardrobe door.  Leave on holiday for three days, giving wasp sufficient time to asphyxiate.  On return, remove sticky note and pry clinging wasp corpse off favorite blouse.

7.  When drying one’s laundry on roof, it is best to rescue clothing as soon as possible before impending storm.  However, some may prefer aromatic scent of mildew on knickers; in this case, rinse and repeat.

8.  When hanging pictures in absence of hammer, a sturdy mug works better than a sneaker. 

9.  When climbing multiple apartment staircases in the dark it is useful to insert house key in one’s own door instead of one’s neighbor’s.  This adds credibility and detracts from notion that one is a hooligan when said neighbor pokes startled head out of front door.

10.  In absence of Clorox Ready Wipes, spit is a natural solvent.

Bring It.

It's time I wrote this blog.  High time.  It's been brewing in my head the past month at least.

I want to tell you all that I have been giving you only one side of my story.  The side I've presented is dessert; the side I'm about to present is a tough piece of steak that requires persistent chewing. 

I have had a relatively easy, cushy existence most of my life--true, not without its emotional difficulties and heartaches, but otherwise, pretty cushy.  I've lived in--let's face it--an insulated, homogenized culture that's really required nothing more than sameness and the usual admonition to "follow your dreams."  Who knew that following your dreams could be so hard?  I know now that it is. 

I've wanted to live overseas for many years now and always yearn to go to the next country, experience the next new thing.  I have dramatic desires to "immerse myself in culture" and get to know the "real (fill-in-the-blank) people" of wherever I am.  This is all still true.  It's just that I now know what that's like.  It's darn hard. 

An introvert by nature, I find I'm constantly having to "put myself out there" when it comes to living and working in India.  There is no real system or structure here.  All things coexist, from beggars to businessmen to cabs and cows, mom-and-pop one-room stores to multinational IT companies.  As a result, I find that when I walk into a business situation, I do not have a neat little "slot" to fill as the customer.  I have to assert myself to get what I want done, and how!  The Indian style of thinking and doing business is not linear, but circular (or, more like a tangled ball of yarn).  As a result, there is no clear process in business, speech or otherwise to get from beginning A to end result B.  Enter, me.  Unlike my younger days, I have become much more straightforward in my thought processes and speech.  I can parse apart the steps that I need to take or say to get things done.  Simple--at least, simple in America. 

Imagine my frustration when I try to have a conversation with a coworker about a straightforward lesson plan for teaching and end up hearing about their pet dog, what they'll have for dinner, and about a student I've never heard of, all interspersed by five interruptions by various people who do not view themselves as interruptions.  Multitasking is an art form here which encompasses conversations, leaving me struggling to hold onto my original thread of thought in what has become a snarled bundle of nothingness.  But I digress--back to the assertive bit.

I have had to get up nearly in people's faces and hound them just to get anything done business-wise here.  As example, I had to get new cell service because the one I started with went bogus and shut off my phone (long story), so I switched to another provider that I had heard good things about.  The important detail the salesman didn't think worth explaining to me was that they had to physically come to my house to establish my residency (for cell service).  Hence, I waited for days before going physically back to the sales office to see why I didn't have service yet.  I found out that a lone man had simply shown up at my door one morning to verify my place while I was at work.  He shrugged his shoulders and told his uppers that oh well, she wasn't there.  Had I known he was coming we could have arranged a time to meet.  I'd had to give my friend as a reference for me, so the cell provider took to calling her since they couldn't communicate with me on the phone; they said they'd send someone out again, and didn't.  I called back through my friend.  They said they'd send someone again.  They didn't.  This went on for several more days.


 I finally went back to the sales office for the last time and gave my salesman what for.  I said, "Can you guarantee me that someone will come down to my house today and that I will have cell service tonight?"  He said, "No, we don't guarantee anything."  I pounded my hand on the table and said, "Then what good is your word?"  He said, "No ma'am, it's not my word."  I said, "I mean, the word of your company and your business reputation!"  I went on, "This is basic customer service, sir!  Make it happen!"  He went on and hem-hawed about waiting for a report, and I said, "Make it happen!" a few more times till he finally said, "Ok, ma'am."  I huffed off and left my only sunglasses at his counter.  Dang.  I charged outside to hail a rickshaw, and the man wanted to charge me way more than the ride was worth.  I was in no mood.  I snapped, "Don't waste my time!" and went on to the next driver and then another before one agreed to take me home for the fair price.  Several more days later when I'd completely given up hope of ever having cell service, a lone man with a backpack and a clipboard showed up at my doorstep.  I said, "I've been waiting a week and a half for you!  This is very bad customer service."  All he said was, "Sorry, Madam."  He spoke only broken English, so I reiterated "very bad!"  another time and gave up.  After he left, I finally got cell service at about 11:00pm that night, a week and a half after it was promised. 

I do not tell you that story to say I was right or good.  I was really a ticked off expat who couldn't understand why it was so dang hard to tell someone all of what their new service entailed for setup, have someone show up when they promised, and follow through! 

Many if not all of my multiple needs to be strong and assertive revolve around this idea of time.  Like the circular thinking and relating style, time is a very circular thing here.  Getting to places on time, saying you'll be somewhere at x time and then showing five hours later, and just simple follow through are really mere guidelines than the way life runs here.  The Southern Indians I've encountered are so laid back (mostly the men) about time that it's maddening.  Just today I had to call a repairman about 10 times for my new AC unit that's already broken twice to send his technician when he said he would to get it fixed.  Thus, I waited at home all day, being promised every time I called that the repairman was "in my area", would "be there in an hour", etc.  I finally had to say, "I've been waiting for your repairman all day.  He needs to come now!" 

It is really challenging for me to be Christlike in this environment.  I want to get angry at everything right now because it all runs counter-clockwise to the way I've lived life up till now. 

Aside from being assertive and struggling with anger, I've had to fill a role at work that I've never done before.  Though I have the schooling, I've never formally taught.  Now, I'm teaching advanced-level English language and literature to kids from all over the world and doing my best to live up to the standards of my employer.  All the other teachers have been doing this for years, and I am ever-conscious that though many things do go right, there are many things I simply don't know how to do.  It's a new curriculum this year on top of which, and so we're all trying to figure it out.  I know how to teach a lesson and get my point across, but boy am I struggling to deal with all the processes involved in teaching--paperwork, interpersonal communication, meetings, incorporating holistic teaching methods, thinking both inside and outside the box, dealing with discipline issues and parents, and planning and grading for hours on end every night.  It's really the same intensity level as being in college in a demanding degree program.  Thus, I tend to not even be able to keep up with personal email. 

As of a few weeks ago I was required (along with most teachers) to add on two extra-curricular activities to my teaching docket.  They are fun ones--creative writing and a singer/songwriter workshop.  I haven't sung since I left Austin, and now I am teaching kids how to sing and compose along with a fellow co-teacher.  Most if not all of these kids have never composed and don't know how to go about it.  So, that means I have had to begin modeling it for them.  I still have a tendency to be shy about singing even after doing it these many years, but I can't be shy in this case.  These kids need me. I just need to bring it. 

In all of these things and many more I'm realizing the power of that phrase--Bring it!  Heretofore I've hidden in a lot of ways--tucked away my talents, covered up under the guise of professionalism, and put on a poker face. Not so anymore.  I can't.  I'm learning that I have to bring all I have to bear to the table and hold nothing back.  This is life.  It is happening.  I can't walk forward in this new, bewildering environment and handicap myself by only giving a little bit of me.  I have to bring all of me and trust that God will be happy and honored by my efforts and fill in all my gaps and support my weaknesses with his strength.  I have to learn, also, to lean on him and let my strong efforts be tempered with gentleness and kindness.  On top of all that, or, rather, supporting it all, I have to learn how to trust.  Sometimes I wonder why I tend to choose the hard way, but it seems I'm reaching for something that needs all this effort to come forth.  The Lord has also told me he's building something in me and preparing me for something, and that patience has to have her perfect work...

I want to leave you with a quote I've grappled with for many years that I still love.  In these recent hard days I've had echoes of it in my mind:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, Return to Love

If I do nothing else in all this venture, I hope to learn this and truly become all of the child of God I was made to be.