Helpful Household Hints from "The Hard Way":

1.  If one does not want to clean caked-on oatmeal off a porcelain bowl, simply let full contents of said bowl slip through one’s fingers causing porcelain to shatter with oatmeal; scoop shards and oatmeal into plastic bag; repeat as needed.

2.  If one runs out of face powder in humid climate, one can try any number of substitutes—corn starch, for instance.  Baking soda, however, is not advisable.  While useful for deodorizing, teeth brushing, baking, cleaning, and acid indigestion, baking soda, when used as facial powder, has an exfoliating effect akin to sandpaper. 

3.  Strong “dust tea” does not simply require brewing, as indicated on nondescript instructions.  Contrary to popular folk wisdom, tea dust does not dissolve in hot water.  To drink contents in absence of sieve, simply purse one’s lips and strain said contents through teeth.  Resulting grit is useful for teeth brushing.

4.  When using taper candles to see by during power outage, it is useful to craft stand for candle resulting in stable base.  One can fashion origami-like stand in the dark using stiff cardstock by folding notecard-sized stationary up at each corner resulting in “legs” for candle base, then shoving candle through middle and lighting.  It is best, however, to approximate middle of holder by feel to keep candle upright so that candle, when lit, does not tip hot wax onto graded papers.

5.  When one has an emergency light for power outages it is useful to charge it.

6.  When one does not want to attempt killing flying cockroach during power outage, simply pray, wait for cockroach to settle, and set overturned tea cup on top.  Wait for cleaning man to dispose of.  (Hint—it is useful to learn the word “bug” in Hindi before allowing man to lift cup.)

7.  If one makes oft-repeated mistake of opening an unscreened window at night with fluorescent room light on, it is useful to remember all flying insects are attracted to light.  In event large wasp flies through open window and settles in one’s wardrobe, simply close wardrobe doors, trapping wasp inside.  Write sticky note with words “Mind the wasp” and affix on wardrobe door.  Leave on holiday for three days, giving wasp sufficient time to asphyxiate.  On return, remove sticky note and pry clinging wasp corpse off favorite blouse.

7.  When drying one’s laundry on roof, it is best to rescue clothing as soon as possible before impending storm.  However, some may prefer aromatic scent of mildew on knickers; in this case, rinse and repeat.

8.  When hanging pictures in absence of hammer, a sturdy mug works better than a sneaker. 

9.  When climbing multiple apartment staircases in the dark it is useful to insert house key in one’s own door instead of one’s neighbor’s.  This adds credibility and detracts from notion that one is a hooligan when said neighbor pokes startled head out of front door.

10.  In absence of Clorox Ready Wipes, spit is a natural solvent.